Stephen Gunther Loeb

• Born: July 19, 1928, Frankfurt am Main, Germany to Julius Loeb (1896-1932) and Jeanette Dannenberg (1902-1986). December 14, 1934, Jeanette remarried Carl Oppenheimer (1895-1980).
• Immigrated: 1938 to the United States by virtue of affidavit by Carl's brother Jack Oppenheimer, Julius Oppenheimer and Arthur Stern.
• Graduated: August 19, 1949 with a Bachelor of Science in Commerce from Roosevelt College of Chicago
• Married: August 14, 1960, Chicago, Illinois to Sarane Rochelle Starr (1934-2005). Remarried May 27, 2007 Skokie, Illinois to Charlotte Glass
• Three sons: David (b. 1961), Robert (b. 1963) and Daniel (b. 1966).
• Elected June 29, 1964 President of the family business Oppenheimer & Brothers. Renamed S. Loeb & Co. on February 16, 1978.
• Died: September 4, 2017, (13 Elul 5777) Ring House, Rockville, Maryland
• Funeral: Tuesday, September 5, 2017, Rockville, Maryland
• Burial: Tuesday, September 5, 2017, Judean Garden, Olney, Maryland. Location 11-54-1.

Links

• Geni
• Donations in Dad's memory can be sent to: Kol Shalom, 9110 Darnestown Road Rockville, MD 20850. The services held there by Rabbi Jonathan Maltzman (son of TBHBE's Rabbi Emeritus Marshall Maltzman z'l) were a great comfort to my father since he moved to the Ring House.)

Eulogy by Dan Loeb

I will always remember my father as an outgoing man and devoted father. As a salesman, he travelled often and would seize the opportunity to learn the life story of whoever was in the train or airplane next to him. He would return home and retell these stories to my brothers and me. He got to know all of his customers very well. At restaurants he would chat with the waitresses (often to our embarrassment) and try to know the person not just as a worker but as a human being.

When Dad was only 4, his father Julius z”l who doted on my father and his brother Norbert z”l died in a tragic accident. Oma remarried Carl Oppenheimer z”l two years later and loved Dad and Norbert as much as if they were his biological children. They escaped Nazi Germany in 1938 thanks to affidavits provided by Carl’s relatives in the Toledo and Kansas City.

My Dad reciprocated Carl’s love and we always knew him as our Opa — grandfather. After Opa’s death in 1980, he supported his mother, our Oma, as she suffered with Alzheimer's: helping her live as normal an existence as possible in our home, and then visiting her regularly and doting on her even when she forgot his name and only recognized him as someone who loved her. After they passed away he continued showing respect to Oma and Opa, along with his natural father Julius, saying kaddish daily for 11 months and continuing on their Jahrzeits.

Otherwise he was not a regular attendee of the daily minyan at our orthodox shul Or Torah in Skokie, he showed great respect for my Zeide Rabbi Selig Starr z”l when he lived with us by taking him to shul and praying with him. And Zeide in turn showed great respect for my Dad despite the difference in their religious observance. When we could no longer care for Zeide at home, Zeide trusted my Dad alone — above Mom or any of his countless Rabbinical Students — to take him to his new home.

Dad was a very applied person, dedicated to his work. I remember how he showed me that there is an outlet for artistic talent in every profession. I don’t know if his customers noticed but when he shipped items to them, he would measure and design the shipping box to the exact specification creating a true work of art. He even taught me a cool mathematical trick to allow me use a yardstick at an angle to rule a sheet into an arbitrary number of equal intervals.

He loved his three sons and eight grandchildren and was there for us at every stage of our life. While Helen and I were living in Boston, Mom and Dad visited us often.

Their first trip to France was for our wedding 1990. They had not met their machatunim Laurette and Armand z”l until then but despite the language barrier they seemed like old friends laughing together.

They returned to visit us in Bordeaux a year later after Gabby was born. I remember Dad shopping with me and Gabby in her stroller on the pedestrian shopping area downtown near our home. When it started to rain he fretted that Gabby — at the time his only grandchild — would get wet. As we became soaked, I reassured him that the stroller was well covered and that she was the only one of us three who would remain dry.

Two years later, Mom and Dad arranged another trip to Bordeaux on short notice for Jonathan’s brit milah. Despite Mom’s handicap they continued to be frequent visitors and treated us to family trips to Italy and Euro Disney in Paris.

When we reciprocated with visits to Mom and Dad in their condominium in Northfield, they enjoyed the opportunity to have Jonathan or Gabby to themselves as I taught at Hampshire College or went to a math conference.

When we moved back to the United States in 1996, Mom and Dad’s help was instrumental to our move. They bought a car for us in Chicago that my Dad drove to Philadelphia for us. My  Mom drove their car back on their return trip. When getting our furniture at the row house we rented in Bala Cynwyd, Dad helped me decipher the IKEA instructions and build Jonathan’s bed in the August heat.

As David mentioned, Dad’s love for Mom was boundless even when her illness required superhuman devotion on his part.

That is how he showed his love. By solving problems for the people around him, By spending countless time or energy to help those he loved. I will always remember his boundless devotion as a father but also how he appreciated the humanity in everyone around him. He is my role model.

Poems/Readings Shared by Rabbi Jonathan Maltzman (Kol Shalom) along with his eulogy

Man of Valor

Death is Merciful

Rosenszweig

Robert Frost

Kubler Ross

The strokes left her angry and bitter for some time. Dependent on a wheelchair and housebound in Scottsdale, she said she was deeply disappointed by the way doctors and nurses responded to her pain and debilities. She faced death with impatience.

"I am like a plane that has left the gate and not taken off," she said. "I would rather go back to the gate or fly away."

Kessler asked her at the time why she hadn't "flown" away yet. She told him she still had lessons to learn. One was about patience. The other involved learning to receive love after nurturing others for so many years.

In her last days, she accepted the affection of friends from around the world who flew in to share a few fleeting hours with her.

She clung to her belief in life after death. In fact, she told an interviewer a few years ago that she was making plans for her own afterlife: She would meet her idols — Gandhi and psychiatrist Carl Jung were at the top of her list — and slip the bindings of illness.

"I'm going to dance," she said, "in all the galaxies."

Eulogy by Helen Loeb shared after Mincha at Bob’s home

I met my father in law for Passover 1988 as I traveled from Boston to Chicago with Dan. We were just dating at the time.

My mother in law was incapacitated with severe arthritis at the time. I remember marveling at how well the house ran at the time, even at a hectic time like Passover. While my mother in law directed the shots from her wheel chair, my father in law patiently and lovingly organized everything for everyone. I felt welcome from the start. My father in law soon introduced me to his secret lab in the house, where he would design the new ties or bandannas he would take on the road for his next sales trip. He explained to me how he enjoyed art, and wanted to devote time to design new logos and themes for University brands.

I will always remember the culture shock when my in laws traveled to Toulouse, France for my big fat Moroccan wedding. Even though my parents spoke some English, we always had trouble (myself included) with my father in law's German accent. In his broken English, my dad managed to share his latest joke with my father in law. We marveled at how our families were symmetrical.

Three Loeb sons vs. three Cohen-Scali girls. Both my mom and mother-in-law's dads were rabbis. Both husbands were somehow less religious than their wives. Both were slightly older than their wives. From the start, Dan and I felt our families click. Both were bound by a true selfless devotion to their children. Whether we lived in France or in the US, we had parents who were there for us.

I always felt tremendous love from my father in law. It was never as obvious as when my in-laws came for their frequent visits in Philadelphia. My father in law was a tall man, slightly over 6 feet tall, a solid foot taller than me. In his eagerness to greet and kiss me, he would typically lift me off, my feet literally leaving the ground. So as my mother in law hugged Dan and the kids, my father's in law would come to me and I would brace myself for lift off. He was a strong man.

Dan and I were fortunate to see him regularly at his apartment in the Ring House in Washington these past years. Living far of an aging parent is hard. I am sure David and Dan will agree with me to recognize here my brother in law Bob, for his exceptional devotion as my father in law physical capabilities. declined. Bob, you are a Mensch. Thank you. Last time I saw my father in law, just a few weeks ago, he was still in his apartment. He had a great haircut and impeccable white shirt. He enjoyed the many updates on his children and grandchildren. Dan and I are comforted by the idea that he left us in a peaceful way, surrounded by his children and grandchildren. While his life came to an end, slowly like a candle, his sweet and generous soul lives on in all of us. We love you Grandpa.

Letter from David on the occasion of Dad’s 70th birthday (July 19, 1998)

Email from Charlotte Glass

This week of Shiva seems the appropriate time to remember the little things, the personal experiences, and the awesome moments that each of us experienced with your father, Steve Loeb. Steve was my husband for too short a time.

Although I am writing this for my own memory book, it occurred to me that you might care for some of my thoughts about your father and my relationship with him. I know how difficult it is to lose a parent – and how much harder it is to lose the surviving parent, for that changes your status in the family. You are now the top rung in the ladder — there is no longer anyone to look up to.

It is not easy to see your surviving parent reach out to try to build another life with a new spouse. Perhaps it feels like a betrayal to your deceased mother or father. I am sure that Karen and my grandchildren, who were grown at the time, had those feelings, although they would not express them directly. But it is some of the baggage that comes with every new relationship in later life.

You may know better than I do what attracted Steve to me. I’d like to share the qualities I saw in your father that attracted me to him. Your father was looking for an opportunity to remarry. I was not!!! I was not looking for a man; I never attended a singles event. I was persuaded to join JDate and lasted one month. I found it distasteful to market myself. I dated a few men, but no one of interest. I had plenty of other things to do. I played the French horn in a band, I traveled much of the world, I taught some adult classes in Bible and Jewish history, I was adjunct faculty at Loyola University for two summers, etc. And I got involved in community affairs and signed up for the Chicago River Architectural Tour – and the rest is history!

We met and dated for a while. Steve was involved in what appeared to be an ongoing relationship with another woman at that time. But he quickly turned his attention to me. I found Steve attractive, comfortable in some ways, and very different from me in others in others. We began dating and getting to know one another. Building a relationship in your 70’s is very different than one earlier in life – I was 19 when I married Herb. By now we had each lived most of our lives in long marriages, and could be thinking about companionship and mutual support in our senior years.

So what did I find so extraordinary in Steve? First and foremost, I found him to be a gentleman with just a little hint of old-world European charm. I learned a lot about your mother and knew that she was an impressive woman who struggled most of her life with a severe illness. When Steve told me that she had been hired by the University of Chicago Lab School to teach right after her graduation, I knew she was very unusual. That does not happen frequently! In spite of her difficulties she wrote math textbooks, was a master chess player and even drove a car to Boston (?). Later, I could see that she had been a meticulous record keeper. (If only we had found some of those records earlier, the story might have had a happier ending).The way in which Steve cared for Sarane in the final months of her life was nothing short of astonishing. He became her 24/7 nurse with little or no assistance. That told me so much about his character, commitment, responsibility and devotion.

As we began spending more and more time together, Steve was pushing for marriage. I didn’t think that step was necessary.

We could continue to date and do things together. Karen and Paul urged us not to take that step, but Steve was most persistent. On one very important level, he was somewhat in awe of my former position in the community and the fact that I was so well known in the circles we traveled. He felt a deep responsibility to protect my reputation. He was, I realized, a man who came with a set of values that were not widely adhered to any more, but one I had to respect.

An important concern for me in being comfortable dating a man would be his level of Jewish observance. Here Steve and I were in sync. Our observance of kashrut was on the same level and we both enjoyed going to shul. I had a deeper level of Jewish education than Steve, but that did not seem to be a problem. Bob, you mentioned that Steve was uncomfortable with one of my groups. I realized, that was our Bible Group which originally consisted of seven couples. We had been meeting every month for over 35 years when Steve was welcomed. We had been learning the Bible in great depth with the aid of many different classical and contemporary commentaries, and our discussions must have seemed somewhat overwhelming to a newcomer, but this was a very important component of my life. But dinner around the table was where Steve was quite comfortable and he was warmly welcomed by all my friends.

So, if we were really talking about getting married, that was a different story. Who was I marrying? Were we compatible? Did we share the basic values underlying a marriage? Steve was totally honest about his mental health issues in the past and outlined the severity of his history. However, I had no framework to understand severe depression and anxiety disorder. I was somewhat familiar with childhood depression, but that is a totally different animal. Steve’s first concern was to fully inform me of his physical and mental history. He insisted that I accompany him to every one of his doctors for a full disclosure of his medical condition. His total honesty earned much respect in my eyes.

The first such visit was to the psychiatrist who had been dispensing his meds for many years. Steve introduced me to him and expressed his concern that he may have another episode. The doctor dismissed his concerns, pointing out that since he hadn't had a depression in 14 years, it was unlikely that he would encounter a crisis again. That put his greatest fear to rest. But it gave me no understanding of what depression really could mean.

I wondered a lot about his family. His children all lived in other cities and he seemed to have very few friends. He and his wife were members of the shul we had just merged with, but no one I knew were friends of theirs. He had also grown up on the South Side, part of the German community, so we didn't have mutual friends from our youth. Family is very important to me and if we are to marry, his family becomes my family When he began telling me stories of his family, I was in awe! His family background was so different from mine. He could trace generations – I could not go very far back at all. I, too, am a first generation American. My parents were immigrants from Belarus in 1913- my mother escaped from an impoverished life to meet her much older sister in Binghamton, NY, and my father was on a graduation holiday, to visit his sister who also lived in Binghamton. They met and fell in love. When World War I began, his return to school was forgotten and they married. I had one sister, Ellen, who was 13 years older than I. I have no treasures or mementos from Belarus – only photos with inscriptions in Russian which I cannot even read.

So, being the romantic that I am, I was overwhelmed with the stories of his family. First and foremost, the miraculous escape from Frankfurt just before Kristallnacht, the family and even the housekeeper, the rescue of ALL the furniture and other belongings. It was only when I met Norbert and Phyllis and saw so many other beautiful objects saved from destruction that I could envision the life of an affluent Jewish family in Germany before the war. It was like a story coming alive for me.

As Bob knows, I was totally infatuated with the grandfather clock and the fact that Carl Oppenheimer remembered seeing that clock in his grandfather's house! I had an antique clock-maker repair it and he was awed by its age as determined by the hand-carved works and dated it as late 18 th C. And to think that this is an object that has now been in your family for at least six generations is mind-boggling to me.

Steve spoke proudly of his three sons, their accomplishments and their young families. When I did meet all of you, I could understand his pride. He attributed all your achievements to your mother, but I know that it takes two parents to raise a competent family. That trip we took to Philadelphia and Bethesda really made turned the corner for me. I saw that his children lived by the same values and priorities that I saw in my daughter's home. I saw two families who were committed to a Conservative Jewish lifestyle, active in their shuls, observing kashrut, and were committed to a meaningful Jewish education for their children. This confirmed for me that our basic values were on the same track and that we could take that leap forward.

I had enjoyed traveling and visiting new and exotic places on earth. Steve had not had much experience but was eager to embark on some trips. I was planning a special event to take my family, Karen, Paul, Michael and Becky on a unique trip – and the choice was the Galapagos Islands. I thought it would be fun if Steve joined us, but I was surprised when he agreed. It was a very different experience for all of us — and I was glad he was there with me.

Meanwhile we were enjoying each other's company and moving quickly toward building a life together. We knew we needed a new place to live, one that was not filled with past memories. Steve was surprised to learn that one could live in a condo that was more like a house than an apartment. Princeton Village looked perfect. Although Steve intended to wind down his business, he was still involved and was working from home. So we needed a place that offered space for an office and a place to store his “inventory.” The Loebs had three sons with families and we wanted a place that could accommodate their visits. So we purchased this townhouse and proceeded to update it, as well. We were looking forward to many happy years together.

The next half year was filled to capacity. I had to sell a house I had lived in for 48 years, and sell it quickly. It was an enormous task – one I had to hire professionals to assist. Steve was very eager to visit Israel and he wanted to do it as soon as possible, so we spent Purim there. We had attended Jonathan’s Bar Mitzvah a little earlier, we all spent Pesach together in Florida, where Karen and Paul came down to meet everyone, and planned a wedding for the Memorial Day Weekend.

Of course, remodeling rarely goes smoothly and the process took from Memorial Day to Yom Kippur. Meanwhile, we lived in Steve's apartment. When we finally moved in to our home, it took a while for Steve to become comfortable with the changes. But we were fine! For a few months!

Early in December, Steve said he felt a depression coming on. For some reason, he was unable to reach his doctor and decided he wanted to switch to a local psychiatrist. I know now that there was no communication between doctors and meds. When that first crisis occurred, I was helpless. Fortunately, David came here first and managed to display his calm attitude, but Steve's behavior was terrifying to me. Then Bob came and we saw doctors and explored treatments. I cannot dwell on that sorry aspect of our lives. There were ups and downs. We managed to have some good periods between the downers. Bob was always there, with wisdom and support. There were periods of time that Steve was in Maryland for a while and then came home. When he was home we had good times. We took lots of trips and he appeared to enjoy them. He was actively engaged. Among the trips we took together were several cruises; a Caribbean cruise with friends, a family cruise to the Bahamas with Dan and family (meeting David and Maureen in Cocoa Beach en route), A kosher Conservative Passover cruise, a Mediterranean cruise and a fall cruise from New York to Quebec City.

Then there were some trips that we took together when Steve was here and others that we did when he was in Maryland and we would either go together or meet at the destination. They included a bus tour to the Grand Canyon and the surrounding National Parks, Road Scholar trips to Philadelphia where we had an advance visit to the new museum and visited with Dan and his family, to St. Augustine (where David and family met us for dinner), a history tour to Charlottesville, and a music tour to Peabody Music Center. Each of these trips brought us closer together as we now had shared experiences and learned new things together. Unfortunately, his memory had been severely compromised by a lifetime of treatments, and he was unable to hold on to these memories for long.

So I have many happy memories of our times together. I am fortunate that my psyche has suppressed the bad memories and allowed the good ones to flourish. We cared deeply for one another. I am glad that life brought us together and sad life kept us apart. I do hope that Steve's sadness was lifted a bit by my frequent phone contacts with him and I am so pleased that I was able to visit him last summer when he was just a little better.

Bob, I am so pleased that you decided to do Mincha after the funeral and give everyone an opportunity to share memories of your father and grandfather. But I regret that I didn't have the presence of mind to state something very important for everyone to hear – especially the children – and that is to recognize the incredible respect you showed to your father throughout years. I am sure that David and Dan would have done likewise, but you were on the spot. You were called in the middle of the night; in the midst of important meetings; you drove him to treatments, waited for him and drove him home before going to your office. You managed his medical condition and handled all his paperwork, dealt with an army of caregivers and all the different doctors. You were his primary caregiver and you did this with grace and dignity. Of course, it is the right thing to do, but it is rare in this generation that adult children carry out this responsibility as graciously as you did. Kol Hakavod!

Last, but not least, I thank you for understanding and honoring the unique relationship Steve and I had for these past ten years.

I will truly miss Steve and I will miss all of you. I hope that you will keep in touch. I feel close to all of you and your children and would love to know how they progress. May Steve Loeb rest in peace and may we all cherish the best memories of his life.

Email from Jennie Starr

Danny and Helen, a brief note to tell you how sorry I was to hear your dad passed away.

I wanted to share I have such sweet memories of him and Sarane. We were always so welcome in their home and your Dad took care to inquire sincerely into our lives and make us feel so deeply connected as family.

They reminded us always of the beauty and value of family.

May his memories be a blessing. And in honor I hope we will always be in touch. Sending a hug.

Email from Bob's colleague Stephanie Ella Heyworth

It was the least I could do. The service was wonderful and very enlightening. Having only ever attended Christian memorial services where nobody dares to shares anything other than the brightest, happiest moments in someone's life, I really appreciated that your family and the rabbi reflected that your father was a wonderful, caring, and loving man but not without his struggles. The honesty with which you spoke about that and his relationship with Charlotte (I hope I’m getting that right) was profoundly touching. Your father was certainly well loved by his family and community, and I’m thankful you allowed me to take part in his remembrance.

Jeffrey Elikan

I am so sorry to hear this news. Baruch dayan emet. Your father always seemed to me to be a very kind, gentle man. While I must have been over your house on Greenwood hundreds of time, I never heard him raise his voice. And when he was in the Ring House, he presented in the same way: just a decent, gentle man. I am sure you will miss him.

Sara Elikan (Messenger)

Sara: I hope to be at the funeral and Jeff passed the information to me.I am holding off on telling my father in law whose brother just passed away and he is sitting shiva right now. I did tell my mother in law and she will tell him gently. My sympathies and I will see you tomorrow.

Your father was so kind to my mother who is living at The Ring House. They ate at the same table, and though she suffers from dementia, he was so respectful and kind to her.

Dan: I was glad that my Dad had a friend at his table for dinner - although the last months he usually had to take his meals in his room
Sara: yes. the last few weeks, but they were buddies and he often came over for chicken soup.

Geri Lubell

Mamma Jean use to tell me what a sweet, sensitive brother-in-law he was to her! I’m so sorry for your loss all my cousins David and Bobby. Hoping his nefesh is resting with his creator b’shamayim.

Daniele Boussel

I am very sad for your Dad. He was an amazing person and I loved him very much.

May he rest in peace. Would have been happy to be with you but it was not possible due to the distance.

I am with you with my thoughts.